Week 35

I suppose I haven't written in a while because things have been going fairly well the past few days and contentment doesn't exactly inspire me to write. I have been busy at work. I go home and dedicate myself to various tasks like baking and cleaning and organizing.

Joe and I have begun to plan our R & R vacation and have at long last decided on Greece as our destination. Joe's family came to visit this past weekend, bringing with them all the sounds and smells of a full house along with many fabulous gifts. The house seems especially quiet in their absence.

The heater broke down this weekend as did the internet. Crying fixed the internet, but the heat won’t budge. Luckily the fireplace heats the house fairly quickly and the past few days have been mild as I wait for the maintenance man.

The days have been gloomy and one begins to wonder where all of the clouds come from. I watch the calendar as one watches a clock and the days slowly tick by. Nine weeks is half way.

Joe and I are both feeling deployment fatigue. He gets mad, and I wish that I could go into hibernation until August. Things feel slow and still. Even the evergreens seem cold. Winter lacks life.

I feel too tired to be angry. Usually I can muster a bit of anger that we have missed two birthdays, Halloween, football, thanksgiving and now nearly Christmas in just the four months that he has been gone.

After all this is our honeymoon, our first year of marriage and it will all be a do-over. But just as no one can really give you back your first Christmas together, all of the dinners and dishes that would be spent together, every moment of everyday ordinary life can never be recovered. After months of moments and unmade memories slipping away I get tired.