Week 48

The Army is a bastard. I think I can say that because I am married to it. I just began my second deployment. I deployed to the-middle-of-no-where North Carolina and my husband deployed to Iraq. Looking on the bright side, this deployment is only 12 months long, whereas the last one was 15.

I don't live on post and I don't have any children. I do have a great job, a long commute and reality TV to keep me warm at night.

Last week, while at the dentist having my teeth cleaned, my hygenist engaged me in a lengthy and emotional conversation about Army-Wifedom. She too was (oh the horror) childless in her mid twenties, and employed. Neither of us lived in military housing nor were able to attend the many support events provided for left behind family members, as most of these occur during working hours. We laughed about our fears and important lessons learned and she said to me, "you will be just fine, you're one tough cookie."

I encounter more of us each day. We are independent women, far from our families, working and struggling to find meaning in a world that, with marriage on hiatus, often seems to be without center and without purpose.

Over the next 11 months of this deployment I will continue to search for meaning in my own life and newfound independence and I will let you know what I find.


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One of the hardest things about beginning a deployment is fear of the unknown. My top ten deployment fears are as follows:

1.) I am deeply afraid of the chain-saw massacre man who I am quite certain is living in the woods behind my house

2.) I fear dead zones, do to which I may miss a call from my husband

3.) I am scared of flat-tires, dead battaries and any other type of obscure car trouble that could leave me stranded

4.) Cockroaches - enough said.

5.) I fear sickness. Me, my husband, our families, our pets. Dealing with this alone has and can be a total nightmare.

6.) Death. I think that anyone who has a loved one in harms way day-in and out has this fear. Family members of police officers to firemen/women to service people face this fear each day. It is my greatest, most gut-wrenching fear and therefore it consitutes numbers 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 of my deployment fears.